


Do I Wanna Know

by paperback92



Category: Hawkeye (Comics), Marvel, Marvel (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: 5 Times, 5+1 Things, Alcohol, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Clint Barton & Kate Bishop Friendship, Deaf Clint Barton, Denial of Feelings, Drunk Texting, Drunkenness, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Insecure Clint, Kissing, Mutual Pining, Natasha Is a Good Bro, Pining, Stubborn Clint, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, clint is an idiot sometimes, stubborn kate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2015-09-22
Packaged: 2018-04-22 22:30:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4852985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperback92/pseuds/paperback92
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It happens very innocently and very much on accident, and Kate can't get it out of her head. </p>
<p>Or 5 times Kate almost kisses or thinks about kissing Clint and 1 time she actually does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do I Wanna Know

**Author's Note:**

> Title is based off the song Do I Wanna Know? by Arctic Monkeys

*  
As soon as Kate comes to, she knows that something is seriously wrong. The last thing she remembered was that she and Clint were on sniper duty, picking off the slimy alien creatures before they got to the rest of the Avengers. They were standing on a roof top, high above the city, when suddenly they weren’t. 

Dust seems to stick to her lungs in dirty layers. Thick blood drips down from a stinging cut on her forehead and gets into her lashes. She on top on someone. The warm body beneath her rises with shallow measured breathes. 

"Clint?" 

Clint gently lays a calloused finger on her lips, silencing her and Kate tries to focus on getting her bearings. It’s dark and small, very small, too small. She strains her eyes trying to adjust to the darkness. They're trapped under rubble and the air pocket is barely enough for the two of them.

Clint traces the situation on the palm of her hand. 'Try not to move much or talk', His fingers say, dancing across her skin. 

Kate takes his hand. 'Are they looking for us?'

'Think so' Clint traces back. His other hand rests on her waist, holding her close to him. After a few moments, he adjusts and she ends up resting her head in the curve of his neck. His scent surrounds her and she resists taking in a deep breath of it. He smells of blood, dust, sweat, and just a hint of the new after shave that she harassed him into buying. 

It happens very innocently and very much on accident. The first stream of light breaks through their concreate cave and when they turn to look upwards then at each other, their lips catch each other’s. The whole encounter lasts for only a second but it’s enough to make Kate buzz with a sensation that echoes down into her heart. 

When Cap pulls them out, she tries to not to think about the deep red hue of Clint’s face and how he turned away from her. 

**

On days when her brain is running frantic and her heart is sending a message that she can’t decode, Kate’s glad that she took up Bucky’s offer to teach her how to handle a sniper rifle. There’s something oddly smoothing about lying beside a former brain washed ex- Soviet assassin with a power rifle in her grasp. Cap and Clint were squirrelly when Bucky had first asked her if she wanted to learn but he was determined to teach. 

“She already snipes with a bow. What’s the difference?” Bucky had argued with them. “Besides, she might not always have her bow.”

So every Tuesday, they meet in the shooting range in Avengers Tower and hide out on the special landing that Tony built them high above the range. They lay out on their bellies, side by side, in a comfortable silence picking off the paper targets below. Every time Kate’s mind wanders back to the way her lips burned when they met Clint’s, she puts another bullet through a paper villain’s eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

Bucky’s voice pulls her out of the concrete cave and she shakes her head. “Nothing.” 

Bucky’s eyes flicker from the scope to Kate and she knows she’s been made. “I think you’re lying.” He says coolly, and takes his own shot. The bullet passes through a target and takes out the one behind it. 

Show off.

“I’m not lying.” She says lining up her next shot. She peers through her scope but she’s no longer looking at paper targets. Instead she sees Clint pressing his lips against hers and pressing her up against the wall; and the floor and his bed... 

The bullet misses by a mile. 

Bucky turns on his side and smirks at her. “Start singing, немного ястреб.” 

Kate sighs and buries her hand in her arms. “What if you start thinking and feeling things for someone that you’ve never thought or felt things for before? And you’re pretty sure that they’re revolted by you now.”

“Well,” Bucky pauses, “What are they to you?”

Oh boy, wasn’t that a loaded question. What was Clint to her? Friend? Mentor? Brother? All of the above? Heck if she knew.

“It’s complicated.” She finally says and she knows she hesitated too long. Bucky gives her a look and she knows he can see right through her. 

“Is this the same person that was trapped and cuddling with you under a pile of rocks when we found him?” 

“Oh God,” She groans in embarrassment and buries her head further. “You’re the worst.”

“No,” He laughs and pokes her with a metal finger. “I’m the best.” Then his face softens and goes a little serious. “He doesn’t hate you, ястреб. Just go talk to him.” 

Kate passes through the main gym when she leaves and Clint’s there. He’s sparing with Natasha but stops long enough to give Kate a little smile and wink. It ends up costing him dearly when Natasha gets the upper hand and slams him to the mat. 

Kate smiles at his expense. That night she can’t stop dreaming about him pressing her up against the wall, the floor, the couch, the bed…

***

Kate knows as soon as she sees the text that he’s drunk. She goes to his apartment anyways, even though it’s late, because he asks her to and she’s a fool. When she arrives, Lucky greets her with such enthusiasm that nearly knocks her over. She pets him until he forgives her for advoiding Bed-Stuy longer than usual. Then he goes and joins Clint who is sitting on the floor, propped up by the couch. 

He gives her a lopsided grin. 

“Hi, Hawkeye.”

“Hi, yourself.” Kate toes around the pile of empty beer bottles, pushing them off to the side and sits beside him. “So is this a special occasion or do you just get drunk on Thursday nights now?”

He laughs softy and reaches out for her hand. 

He is beyond drunk. He’s wasted, Kate thinks to herself, as he traces the lines etched in her palm. 

He stays quiet as his fingertips dance against her skin, just like when they were trapped. Expect he’s not saying anything tonight, just drawing patterns. Kate silently prays that he can’t feel the way her heart is racing. 

"Let’s play a game.” He says looking up at her, his eyes bright. 

“What, like Monopoly?” 

“Nah. True or dare.”

Kate rolls her eyes and extracts her hands from whatever the wonderful thing that his fingers are doing before her heart pounds so hard that it quits all together. “Aren’t you a little too old for that, Clint?”

“I don’t think so.” His words slur a little and he leans towards her. He’s close and it’s getting harder for her to think straight. His eyes are half lidded and dark, and his gaze sends a chill down her spine. His hand has somehow found its way back onto her arm. His fingertips lazily draw circles on her skin and she thinks of thousand inappropriate things that they could be doing instead. His voice drops down to a husky tone and he’s so close that if Kate would breathe wrong, she’d be in his lap.

“I dare you to kiss me.”

She actually leans in towards him, inches away from closing the troublesome gap between their lips, when the stench of alcohol on his breath cuts through the haze and brings her back. It’s like a flash of light and everything comes sharply into focus, the roaring in her ears silences and her heart is pounding now for a new reason. He doesn’t really want this. He’s just drunk. 

She backs away and he sloppily tries to follow. “You’re drunk.” 

He opens his eyes and something akin to hurt crosses his face when she removes his hand. “I’m not drunk.” He slurs. 

Kate pretends that she doesn’t know he’s watching her as she gets up and walks to the kitchen. She brings back a glass of water and sets in front of him. She hopes that he’s too drunk to notice the way her hand trembles.

“Drink this.” She instructs and he grudgingly takes it. “You are very drunk and I don’t kiss drunk people.”

He puts down the glass and watches her again with those intense dark eyes. “That’s a shame.” He says, his voice rough again.

Kate makes the decision to walk away while she still has control of her body. “I’m staying here tonight. You can sleep on the couch.”

If he replies, she doesn’t hear it. She climbs into his bed and allows herself to be enveloped in his scent. She tosses and turns all night, dreaming of his smoldering blue eyes, rough hands, and drunk kisses.

The next morning finds Clint hunched over a coffee pot with a splitting headache and no remembrance of them playing any kind of games. 

“Oh yeah, I kicked your butt at Monopoly.” Kate lies, then she tells a truth. 

“You’re a lousy drunk, Barton.” 

****

The rain decides to wait until Kate is a block away from Clint’s apartment before it lets loose. By the time she reaches his door, she’s soaked to the bone. She pushes past Clint, drops her bag to the floor, and immediately starts stripping off her wet clothes. 

“Come on in, Katie.” Clint quips, a little too loudly, as she makes her way upstairs. “And by all means, get naked in my apartment. It’s not weird at all!”

By the time she changes into a pair of Clint’s sweatpants and an old tee shirt, he has a cup of coffee waiting for her on the counter. “Thanks.” She sighs, huddling around the warmth of the mug.

Clint leans against the counter with his own mug and they sip in an easy silence. It’s nice; just two Hawkeyes with their coffee. The apartment is shrouded in a gloomy light that only happens on rainy afternoons. The rain pounds against the window in a steady pitter patter, filling the apartment with its song.

It’s when she asks him to pass the coffee pot and he doesn’t answer, that she notices he doesn’t have his hearing aids in. 

He looks more relaxed then she’s seen him in weeks. His muscles are void of the tension that usually grips them. He seems content leaning against the counter, eyes on the floor; lost in thought. He inclines his head towards the living room, listening the rain’s song even though Kate knows that he can barely hear it.

She can’t help but notice that he looks even more handsome than usual. The soft light highlights his wheat colored hair. It’s sticking up in messy spikes, telling everyone who sees it that he’s been lounging around all morning. His long lashes flutter against his cheekbones as he blinks through whatever his line of thought is. Then he looks up and gives Kate that bright easy grin of his. 

She’s off the bar stool and moving before her mind can process what her body is doing. She stands close to him, just like the night he asked her over. His whole body stiffens but he makes no effort to move away. She gets closer so that their bodies bush against each other then finally pressing them together. His eyes darken and his mug gets placed on the counter. 

Kate figures that if that’s not a hint, she doesn’t know what is. She tilts her head and goes for it. She’s a breath away from his lips when he lets out a sudden shaky exhale that seems to shake his whole body. 

“Katie,” He breathes and looks away, “I- - I don’t- - I think,” 

His words hit her like a weight and knocks her back a step. Tears of rejection prick the corner of her eyes but she stubbornly keeps them contained. There’s no way she’ll let him see her cry. She takes another step back and signs, because her hands can’t betray the hurt that would creep up in her voice.

I asked for the coffee pot but you couldn’t hear me. 

It’s a lame excuse and even an idiot like Clint Barton could see through it; but she still reaches around him, grabs the pot and makes a show of refilling her mug. She doesn’t even put the pot back. She just leaves it on the counter and sits back on the stool. Mortified doesn’t even cover how she feels. Her pride is wounded to the point that it physically hurts. But she stays on the stool and fixes her stare on a chipped tile. 

Clint alternates watching her to looking out of the window at the pounding rain. His brows furrows and unfurrows serval times before he dips his head down to ask for her attention and signs.

Want to watch Dog Cops? I haven’t watched ahead from last time you were here.

Kate blinks. He wasn’t kicking her out. He wasn’t exactly offering up an explanation either. But then she shrugs. What the hell, she reasons, she’s already embarrassed herself beyond belief. What harm will sticking around for a couple episodes of Dog Cops do? 

She sits on the couch, angrily scrubs the tears from her eyes when he’s not looking and they both pretend that it’s a regular rainy day.

*****

Kate wasn’t exactly sure how, but she had managed to score an invite to the annual black tie Stark Christmas bash; one of the most sought after parties of the year. Apparently Tony had said something among the lines of wanting to party with ‘Hawkeye’s teenage sidekick’ and the next thing Kate knew, she was Clint’s plus one. 

Her original dress choice was shot down by Clint, the self-appointed mayor of Christmas, who said that purple was not an approved Christmas color. A black sleeveless number was debated hotly, put to Natasha for the final vote, and was finally approved because, according to Natasha, black was an every holiday color.

It isn’t much different than the stuffy parties Kate’s father made her go to. The atmosphere at Tony’s is much lighter, the bar keeps flowing freely, and the bar tenders are more than happy to serve drinks to pretty young girls. 

Natasha, in her gold strapless gown, outshines everyone. Throughout the night she’s able to convince every member of her team to twirl with her around the dance floor at least once, with Cap and Pepper getting extra turns. She even gets Kate to share a dance, after the third time she tops off Kate’s drink with the fine Russian vodka from the flask that is hidden somewhere on her body. 

Clint plays the part of wallflower for most of the party. He’s dragged out of the woodwork only when Tony insists on introducing him to an associate or to dance with Natasha, then he slips away into the shadows until he is summoned again. 

They had been pretending for the weeks following that the almost rainy day kiss never happened and Kate is surprisingly ok with that. She figures that if she can overlook his drunken attempt that he can overlook her sober one. So they pretend that everything is normal and its act like it’s not uncomfortable when they’re alone.

“You’re not very festive tonight. I thought you loved Christmas.” Kate accuses when he materializes at her side.

He shrugs. “I’m not a fan of Stark’s parties. I’d rather celebrate at home with Lucky.”

“Loser.” Kate teases, digging an elbow in his side. He smiles a little and she doesn’t see him again for another hour. 

As the night goes on, the guests and staff slowly trickle out and the superhero after party begins. Clint becomes more visible then; alternating from perching on the back of the couch, visiting the bar, and leaning up against walls. 

It was when he comes over to assist Kate hold up a wall by the bar when a buzzing sound draws their attention upwards. A drone, with Stark Industries painted proudly on its sides, hovers above them holding a piece of mistletoe.

Kate curses the blush the creeps up her neck and grins at Clint. 

"It's a tradition, right?" She shrugs, trying to play off the way her heart is hammering in her chest. She leans in, closing her eyes and waits for something she’s been wanting for a while now: Clint’s lips finally pressed against hers.

But they never come.

Kate’s eyes snap open in surprise. Clint looks like he’s going to pass out. All the color has drained from his face and a budging vein sticks out from the side of his neck. His grip on the beer bottle tightens so much that his knuckles turn white. He shakes his head and backs up quickly, begging off with lame excuses that Kate can’t even hear. 

All the blood in her body rushes to her head and all Kate can see was red. It isn’t until the roar in her ears dissipates that she notices Tony Stark by her side.

“Did he just really bail on a mistletoe kiss? Did that really just happen? I thought that was against Christmas law!”

“Tony.” Pepper hisses in a warning. She places a well-manicured sympatric hand on Kate’s arm. “Don’t embarrass her.”

“I’m not the one that embarrassing her. Clint covered that pretty well himself.” Tony throws his hands up in the air, as if he was the one snubbed. “Who refuses to kiss a young attractive girl under mistletoe? I can’t allow this to happen at my party. Pepper, this young attractive girl needs to be kissed.”

Pepper gives Kate an apologetic look. “It’s not me that you need permission from, Tony.”

Tony turns suddenly and collects Kate’s hands in his. “Ms. Bishop, may I have the privilege, nay the honor, of taking that human crap sack’s, Clint Barton, mistletoe kiss?” 

Kate almost says no. The refusal is on the tip of her tongue, on its way out when she spots Clint across the room hidden in the shadows of the room, watching. He’s wearing the same stupid look on his that he had when he snubbed her at his apartment and- -screw it. Kate was tired on letting Clint make up the rules of this stupid game. 

Like a switch, Kate pours on the charm and gives Tony a flirty smile. “Sure. Why not?” This time when she leans in, lips actually meet hers. They are not the lips that she’s been wanting but if she concentrates, she can imagine that they belong to someone else. 

Despite his reputation, Tony's kiss is a chaste one. It’s Kate that takes it a step further. She slips her tongue past his teeth, into his mouth and is rewarded with the sound of pleasant surprise from him. That, combined with the hoots and hollers from the crowd that’s gathered around them and what appears to be Clint Barton having a stroke, encourages Kate to keep the kiss going. 

When they finally part for air, Kate is pleased with the flush of color that Tony's skin has taken on. He also looks rather pleased with himself as well when he turns to Pepper, who has her arms linked with Natasha's. 

"Pep, it looks like you've got some competition." 

"Kate, honey," Pepper says, gasping between laughs, "If you want him, he's yours!" 

Kate laughs along, grateful that it doesn’t seem that this sweet woman will kill her for making out with her boyfriend. Although Kate wonders if that sort of thing is a common occurrence when dating Tony Stark. She quickly scans the room for Clint but he’s nowhere to be found. 

"I better get going."

"That's right," Bucky shouts from his place in the crowd, "Leave on a high note." 

"More like a low note." Someone else, who Kate thinks sounds a lot like Cap, shouts back. 

Kate turns to Tony and tries to ignore the way her lipstick is smeared on his mouth. "Thank you for the party, Mr. Stark." 

Tony gives her a wolfish smile. "I'm pretty sure we're on a first name basis now, Hawkeye. You're on the invite list for all my parties now." 

Kate quickly bids the rest of her goodbyes and takes the first taxi that stops home. She gets the evite for the Stark New Year's Eve bash the next morning and avoids Bed-Stuy for a week.

***** *

Kate ends up going to Stark’s New Year’s Party because she figures that when you’re invited by Iron Man to go to one of his parties, you should go. That and somehow Tony got her number and steadily sent her at least one text a day, sometimes more, asking if she was coming. 

She actually debates up until hours before the party whiter or not to go. In the end, she tells herself that she shouldn’t let who or who might not be there stop her from going to the biggest party of the year. So she puts on the sexy purple dress that Clint had shot down for Christmas, hates herself for even thinking about that, and makes her way to Stark Tower.

Pepper is the first one to greet her, with Tony at her heels. She wraps Kate up in a warm hug and tells her that she’s in no danger of being kissed by Tony tonight. 

“I made him promise to save his New Year’s kiss for me.” 

Natasha greets her next. She hands Kate a drink and they chat. Cap joins them long enough to say hello and to ask to steal Natasha. Natasha goes more than willingly but not before conjuring up a flask and topping off Kate’s drink. 

Kate watches as Cap leads Natasha onto the dance floor. He’s a terrible dancer and Natasha has to take the lead but they look so deliriously happy. They laugh and smile and lean in close to whisper in the other’s ear.

It makes Kate sick. 

The room suddenly feels claustrophobic and she slips outside onto the balcony. It’s cold but she doesn’t mind. It’s a nice distraction. She watches the snow that falls in tiny flakes. It’s not even enough to make a pile on the railing but it’s the prettiest thing she’s seen in a while.

It’s beautiful night. The sky is clear and, if Kate looks hard enough, she just make out a couple stars beyond the city lights. She watches the people walking on the streets below and marvels at just how tall the Stark Tower is. She looks down, then back up, and wonders if she could scale it.

She’s about to undo the straps on her heels when she hears the balcony doors slide open then close again. She’s sad that she’s no longer alone and knows it’s him before he even speaks.

Clint walks up beside her and leans on the railing.

“Hey.” He greets quietly.

She sighs. “Hi.”

He fidgets with the drink in his hand. “Haven’t seen ya in a while.” The glare Kate gives him could melt steel and he has the good graces to look shamed. “Wasn’t sure if you’d come.”

She shrugs. “Tony invited me. He’s been bugging me about it actually.” 

“I’m glad.” He says too quickly then takes a breath. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” She snaps. “It seems that you have a knack for telling me things without using your words.” 

This was not a conversation that she wanted to have and especially not at Tony Stark’s party and out in the cold.

“It hasn’t been what you think,” 

“Really?” She interrupts, biting out a bitter laugh. “Because where I’m where I’m standing, it looks like rejection; multiple times and each more humiliating then the last.”

“Katie-“

“You know what, Clint. Reject me once, shame on me. Reject me again, publicly and at one of the biggest parties of the year? Shame on me again.”

Clint sighs and rubs his forehead. “Katie, listen to me please.” Kate looks away and he dips his head to catch her gaze. “Please, Katie?”

Something in those blue eyes of his tugs at her heart and she can’t turn away. She waves her hand, giving him the go ahead.

“I didn’t know what to think at first.” He looks away and trains his sights onto the city sightlines. “When we were trapped, I thought we were done for. You were hurt, bleeding everywhere.”

He sighs and leans heavily on the railing, dropping his head between his arms. Kate tries not to stare at the way the muscles in his arm flex each time he clenches his fist.

“I thought we were done for and all I could think was, if this was it, if this was the end, if I was going out,” He pauses and takes in a deep breath. When he looks back up, his eyes are bright with emotion. “I was glad that I had one last chance to hold the girl I love.” 

The words barely leave his mouth before Kate crashes into him. She presses her lips to his and it’s everything she had imagined. Clint’s yelp of surprise turns into a groan of pleasure and when Kate pulls away, a plea for more. 

“Don’t stop.” He practically growls as he makes a trail down her neck with kisses. The ache that she’s now associates with being so close to his body is back but she forces his head up with her hands and makes him look at her.

“Why didn’t you tell me all this sooner?”

He looks everywhere but her face when he finally answers. “I didn’t want to screw it up.” He takes one of her hands and kisses a knuckle. “What we have already? It’s great. I didn’t want to be the one to ruin it.”

“You idiot.” Kate says with an air of fondness. “You about ruined it by not saying anything. The not kissing me back didn’t help matters either.” 

He ducks his head again and his lips find the corner of her jaw. “I panicked.” Kate barely stifles a gasp when he nibbles on the lobe of her ear. “And I’m an idiot.” 

“Yes, you are.” She says, fondness creeping back into her tone. She wraps her arms around him and holds on tightly. They stand there holding each other until they lose track of time and the thunderous sounds of Stark’s party guests pull them back.

“Ten, nine, eight,”

“So,” Kate starts, “I think I might have a New Year’s Resolution.”

“Seven, six, five,”

The ends of Clint’s lips quirk up into a smile. “Oh yeah?”

“Four, three, two”

“I think I want to start dating an Avenger. I like the one with the bow and arrows. I think his name is Hawk guy.”

Clint laughs, soft and light and familiar. “Well if no one else steps in, I’d be glad to volunteer.”

“ONE!”

They kiss and can’t tell the difference between Stark’s fireworks and their own. Their lips work around each other’s in perfect synchronization. He opens his mouth to her tongue eagerly. They melt into each other and pretend that the cheers are for them. When they part, Clint makes a little noise that sends hot shots electricity down her spine.

“I forgive you, by the way.” He says between strategically placed kisses on her neck. 

“For what?”

She feels him smile into the crook of her neck. “For kissing Tony Stark.”

She intends to hit him but somehow finds her mouth on his once again for several minutes. His eyes are dark again and those long fingers back on her arm, tracing lazy patterns. They travel up and down until his voice is in her ear, rough and deep.

“You know, I have an apartment right here at the tower.”

“Do you now?” She teases, her own voice low.

“Yup. It has a bed and everything.” He pulls back just enough to look into her eyes. “If you’re interested.” 

His nervous eyes betray his confidant sounding words and Kate sees his fear of rejection, his fear of messing up shining back at her. But just behind that, she see something that thills her more than his touches and kisses.

Love

She smiles and gives him one last slow kiss. “I thought you’d never ask, Hawkeye.”

If anyone saw the Hawkeyes walking hand and hand to the elevators, no one mentions it. Tony Stark never mentions the fact that Clint’s apartment was used that night for the first time in months and even foots the bill for breakfast the next morning.

**Author's Note:**

> немного ястреб (Russian)- little hawk
> 
> ястреб (Russian)- hawk


End file.
